I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
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so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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