Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
