dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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