Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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