i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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