He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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