Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
