We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
