Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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