i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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