im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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