it was like eating out sand paper
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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