Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I just sharted jello shots
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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