Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
