There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
