you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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