Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
