Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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