are you still at the devil's house?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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