Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
