she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
