It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
