I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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