Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
