I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
