my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
