You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
