i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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