I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
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So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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