what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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