this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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