From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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