That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
