We won't sleep together?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
