Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
