i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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