I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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