Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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