My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize