9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
