i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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