i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
tell me about the fingering
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
