left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
