Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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