11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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