either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
