its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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