There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
