Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize