If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
