I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
