fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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