Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
