apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
