As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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