Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
