Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
