your parents love me but you hate me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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