He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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