Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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