Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
