I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
