TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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