I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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