does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
