i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
