just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
