got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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